


The real kind of rules

by mirkwood131



Series: The pitiful chronicles of an idiot [9]
Category: EXO (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humor, M/M, Requited Love, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 20:24:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11997312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirkwood131/pseuds/mirkwood131
Summary: Mission: "Break your rules, break you, break me"Status: Error. Mission not foundCause: Already in love. I'm sorry.





	The real kind of rules

**Author's Note:**

> I have a few extra notes at the end so yeah, enjoy :)

_**to chanyeol: I still want to break your rules | sent [00:03]** _

_**to chanyeol: I’m drunk… | sent [00:05]** _

_**to chanyeol: please answer | sent [00:10]** _

_**to chanyeol: I’m sorry | sent [00:13]** _

I’m honestly not even sure why I’ve chosen to start this entry with these message to which I haven’t, not to this point, got an answer to. Maybe he lied, and he doesn’t do distance relationships. Or maybe he’s right, and we shouldn’t fuck any rules, just feelings. He manages to fuck mine pretty well, anyways.

This chapter already started strange and now, I’m actually going to rewind things, to earlier tonight, because this cold night managed to fuck everything. I sound so dramatic, once again, because a fucking night didn’t do anything, I was the one who did it all. 

After talking with Chanyeol while leaning our backs a fucking tree, I walked all the way to Jimin’s house, with my heart booming in my chest.

But the night is clear, there are no stars, just the moon and despite my heartbeat, I feel calm. I see him waiting for me on the front steps of his house, with a bottle of vodka in his hand, but in rest, the place is plunged into darkness. I look at the phone and it is already 11pm.

Not sure if I should say “hi” once again, I sit right next to him and grab the alcohol from his hand. I take a big gulp and it tastes like shit, like the crap the doctor cleans the operation table. It burns my throat and my eyes water so I push it back into Jimin’s arms.

“Talking while drunk is-”

“Stupid. I’m not drunk yet, haven’t taken a sip. Yet.” he says, and takes an even bigger gulp than me.

“Sooo…”

“Do you really think it would work?” he asks, passing me the bottle to drink some more.

I do. This time it tastes better. But still like crap.

“I have no fucking idea. Really.” I say.

The bottle keeps being passed from one to another. Already, I’m starting to feel lightheaded, slightly dizzy but somehow happier. More serene. The wonders of alcohol.

“You seemed so sure a few hours ago.” Jimin says, letting his head fall on my shoulder.

It makes me giggle.

“Tell me something that I don’t know about you.” I say, taking another gulp.

Fuck this shit!

“What?”

“Whatever. Surprise me.”

“I love sex. Does that surprise you?” he asks, drawing slow circles on my thigh.

“If it’s bullshit, nope.” I say, suddenly shivering.

He’s fingers are getting closer to my crotch and I’m started to get aroused. Maybe it’s the alcohol, maybe his words, maybe both. But I feel the way I’m starting to get hard.

“No bullshit. I haven’t told you ever because I was ashamed.” he says.

“Why?”

“Because you’d look at me differently. And you’ve always made me think about it a lot. Too much, actually.” he laughs, hand resting on my hip bone as his fingers are digging into my flesh.

“Jimin…” I whisper because really, the pressure in my crotch is growing stronger and I’m starting to get embarrassed.

“That’s a reason why I’m afraid…” he says.

“Of what?”

“That I won’t be able to be faithful. To you…I…4 years is so much, JungKook and what if…I don’t know…I mean, and you? Would you?”

I sigh, because what the fuck am I supposed to say to something like this? That things will be peachy and if he does do the deemed things, I’ll be okay because I know that deep down he loves me? Or if I do it, he’ll keep loving me, keep being the same. What a load of crap.

“And you’ve stopped saying anything…is this an answer?” he asks, suddenly dropping the hand from my body.

“I don’t know. I really didn’t think things this far, to be fair…”

“Oh…” he says, drinking some more vodka.

I eagerly wait for him, before I take it from his hands and gulp down some more. I’m actually starting to enjoy the taste.

“I still want to do it. At least until you leave for England. I don’t mind suffering a little.” I say.

I’m not even sure why I said it. Because it’s glued to my tape, because I think, because I want it. 

His fingers return to my thigh, this time, bolder, as they climb their way up to my hip again, pressing at one spot that sends shivers through my body. I’m not thinking clearly.

“Until I leave for uni, then.” he says, closing the distance between our mouth, clashing his lips and teeth onto mine.

At first it hurts but then, pleasure floods through me as he comes closer, snaking an arm around my neck to press me onto his chest. He bites down on my bottom lip and takes a fistful of my hair in his hand, pulling it hard until I’m not even sure, I moan, yelp or scream. His tongue is everywhere, licking the seam of my lips, tasting the insides of my mouth, playing with my own. He lets out some low, whimpering noises that make me twitch in my pants, painfully hard against my thigh and when his hand brushes against it, it stops in that spot.

“Jimin…” I whisper, but fuck, his fingers grab the material, pulling it so tight on my fucking dick and it’s all on the street for everyone to see us and I should care. “Jimin…”

“Let’s go to the backyard.” he says in my ear and then the phone buzzes in my pocket when I follow him through the small gate.

I don’t dare to take it out. I’m still a coward.

He’s already sitting on the grass with the bottle between his legs, looking at me as I walk and sit right next to him.

“We should be quiet.” he giggles, dragging me over him. “My parents-“

He doesn’t have time to finish because my lips are already onto his, helplessly sucking at his bottom one while my fingers are brushing on his abdomen. I throw the bottle somewhere on the grass, and he’s warm to the touch and I gasp when I feel the hem of his boxers. I pull at it and he moans. Low and raspy into the night.

Jimin takes my t-shirt off in one move and the air suddenly feels chilly on my skin. But quickly, he sits on his back, dragging me over him, and my clothed erection brushes onto his, taking a whimper out of me. I put my hands on each side of his head and I start to slowly rub myself on him, slow, but I feel like I’m going crazy, because all I want is…fuck! when he pushes his hips up to meet my movements.

“I want to suck you off, baby.” he says, flipping me over with force, leaving me breathless.

He giggles once again, high pitched and crawls down, until his face is at the same level with my freaking erection and I suppose I could come right there, but I really try to control myself as he unzips my pants and pulls down my boxers. He breaths on it, hotly, before he lightly kisses the tip. I might lie if is said I could control myself, because my hips jerk up to meet his mouth, but he pins me down into place. Jimin places another kiss at the base, all over it before he slides his tongue along my slit, one hand playing with my balls.

“Jimin…” I say, taking his hair in my hands.

His tongue wraps around the tip, sucking on it, while he rubs the lower part of my cock. I can hear faint whimpers coming from him and when I lift my head to see him better, I notice that he’s furiously cupping his erection through his sweats.

When he finally takes all my length in my mouth, I moan because it touches the back of his throat and it embarrassingly takes only a couple of strokes and licks before I come, without any warning, only low whimpers and moans, in his mouth. His throat clenches around me and it almost feels painful but then, I hear something else as he comes up for air. I suppose he’s coming too.

The moon is still brightly shining as I zip back my pants and look at the ground, without even once glancing at Jimin.

“Sorry.” I say.

“For what?” he asks, sitting right next to me, shoulder to shoulder.

“I should’ve controlled myself better.” I say.

“Kookie…” he kisses me on the lips and I have the impression that I can taste myself on his lips. “Until I leave?” he asks.

It takes me by surprise, so I gulp down the rest of the vodka left in the bottle. I’m still feeling too awake.

“Until you leave.”

“Babe…it’s only…I mean, if…things might change. Maybe after the 4 years are over we can really date. But you’ll always be my friend. You know? Best friend.” he says, kissing me once again.

Maybe I expected it all to feel different. Maybe I had too many expectations. Who the fuck is my fairy godmother?! This is not the way it’s supposed to end in fairytales. It’s really not.

“But we can have fun until then…maybe…are you upset, JungKook?” he asks, leaning on his elbow to look at me. “You can tell me…I know what I said sounds shitty, really.”

“I love you so much, you know?” is the only thing I can say.

Because what else is it to say? Because he’s right. It’s not like we’re old or something. He might be right. I don’t know.

“I love you too.” he says, smiling so sweetly that my freaking heart bursts with happiness.

Is it supposed to hurt this much when you’re in love?

I laugh, it’s another thing I can do well, when I hurt and I’m happy at the same time, when he’s so close to me, for a limited amount of time and…

“Tomorrow we’ll do a picnic. And watch a romantic comedy. In the theatres. Tomorrow we’re going on a date.” he says, still smiling sweetly.

God, he looks so beautiful with the moon shining over his skin. Is it supposed to feel like this? Like I want to cry and scream and laugh?

“Okay.” I say.

My phone buzzes once again.

“I should go. My parents will kill me…” I say and Jimin agrees with a giggle.

He leads me to the front porch, leaves another kiss on my lips and I wait for him to enter the house because I feel too much to go to sleep right now.

So I sit once again on the steps of my house and I finally gather some courage to open the messages.

_**from chanyeol: I lied | sent [11:23pm]** _

_**from chanyeol: I can’t do the distance relationship | [11:50pm]** _

_**from chanyeol: u make me want to break my rules | [11:50pm]** _

_**from chanyeol: but I can’t. I’m sorry | [11:51pm]** _

_**seen [00:00]** _

_**to chanyeol: I still want to break your rules | sent [00:03]** _

_**to chanyeol: I’m drunk… | sent [00:05]** _

_**to chanyeol: please answer | sent [00:10]** _

_**to chanyeol: I’m sorry | sent [00:13]** _

_**to chanyeol: I’m sorry | sent [00:15]** _

And I suppose now that we’re all in the shitting present, you all wondering what the fuck is wrong with me. And I’m wondering that too. Because I’m sitting on this uncomfortable, cold cement and thinking I’ve just received the first blowjob of my freaking life from the guy that I love and now I’m just sending text messages to somebody else, asking him to…what exactly am I asking him?

I suppose you’re all bored of this. Trust me, I am too, I can take a freaking simple decision. I mean, if I could blame something, it would be the party. Or maybe me getting drunk at the party. Or better, Jimin kissing Rose at the party. Or just me.

I have what I’ve wanted. Even though for one month.

_**from chanyeol: we should stop talking for a while, until our feelings cool down | sent [00:21]** _

_**seen [00:22]** _

_**to chanyeol: k | sent [00:25]** _

_**seen [00:26]** _

And that, amigos, hurt like hell. That single shitting “k” that seems to mean so little but in this case is a slap on my freaking face, because, yeah, I’ve read all of your comments, I’m shallow, and wavering and almost a slut. I know and I’m so sorry. The moment you apologize to some strangers on the internet. This is literal goals, dudes. But I suppose I owe everyone an apology, starting from you and ending to Chanyeol. I suppose I’ll never be able to say it to him, especially with my last answer. “K”

But then, I feel two arms wrap around me and a head falling on my shoulder as well as a blanket over me.

“Jimin?” I jump in surprise.

“Saw you from my window…sitting like this…” he says.

“I couldn’t go to sleep…” I say.

“Me neither.” he says. “I kept thinking…about this and that…and us. Especially us.”

I don’t answer. It feels nice, sitting like this, no one else, but us. Maybe we can be honest.

“I- I saw without meaning to, the messages from Chanyeol…”

Acta est fabula, plaudite! (The play is over, applaud)

“If you think he’d make you happier than me, Kook, I want you to be…you know that.” he says, still leaning on my shoulder.

“He won’t…I…all this time the only thing I could think about was you and now when you’re here…I’m just throwing my chance out the window. He won’t. (will he?) We…he doesn’t even want to, I mean, he has his rules…doesn’t matter. What matters is that…I still want to do the distance relationship thing. Because I can’t stop loving you, even though right now it hurts like hell, I’m okay with hurting for a while.”

“You would?”

“Always.” I say and try to smile, but too many questions are floating through my mind.

Because I throw words and promises so quickly to people. Because I didn’t even think it through, everything that I just said. And still, I said it, and I keep saying things, thinking about other things.

But Jimin smiles and huffs, throwing a small rock with his foot. It hits another bigger one and stops. I watch it tumble and fall.

“Always.” he smiles once again and then there’s silence. “If you think we can do it then I’ll do it…“

“I can move from next year to your university or one close to you. Or just take part in one of those exchange programs.” I say.

“But you don’t know English.” Jimin laughs.

“I’ll have one year to learn, or two. Doesn’t matter, I can learn it, babe…”

“Or, I can be in an exchange program to study here for a year.” he says and I laugh, intertwining my fingers with his. “I love you and I’m not saying it to just say it.”

“I know.”

He touches his head with mine and smiles and right now I could burst out from so much happiness.

“I love your fingers. I’ve always-just don’t judge me-thought about licking them…”I say, blushing.

“I won’t. Right now it does sound disgusting though. I’m really not in the mood.” he laughs, kissing me on the temple.

He wraps himself in the blanket better, cradled at my chest, looking at the starless sky.

“I’d stay like this forever.”

“Me too. Until my back hurts.”

“What commercial would this be?” I ask him.

“Condoms?”

“Cliché.”

“You’re the one with the imagination. What’s then?” Jimin asks.

“I have no freaking idea. That’s why I’ve asked you.”

A charade. A dream. Unreal.

“When we’re older we should do this again.” he says and I somehow turn my head in surprise. “Well, I think I can love you forever, you know? I’ve managed to do it for so many years…I can do it for a few more. Even when you’ll be wrinkly and weirder.”

“We should redo that heart.” I suddenly say.

My happiness is quickly fading, quickly, way too fast and I want to keep it locked inside me.

“You remember that?” he laughs.

“Yeah…I stare at it every time I knock at your door.”

“Mom used too and threatened she would put paint over it. It seems she liked it too after all.” he says, laughing a little, but I can only think about what we said, about the implications, about everything.

The silence falls, but it’s not comfortable because I’m afraid of what I’m about to say.

“Are we…are we only pretending, Jimin?” I ask him.

“What do-“

“That continuing this after you leave might actually work. I don’t know…if I can do the distance relationship thing.” I finally say.

“JungKook…”

“I really want to. I’m so trying to make myself believe that I can. I mean…” I say and I feel Jimin’s hand cover mine, trying probably to be comforting.

It only seems like he agrees with me, with my words.

“I’m not sure.” he says.

“I-I can keep loving you…it’s not…fuck feelings, for fuck’s sake!” I say, hitting the cold concrete with my fist. “This was supposed to be easy…”

I look up at the sky, at how mockingly the moon is being covered by thick, black clouds, that don’t let any light be filtered. It’s just the artificial street lamp glow, yellow and sickly, making the shadow crawl in silence. He keeps quiet, with his head on my shoulder, and I feel a dull ache starting to seep into my bones, but I don’t dare to move him.

Finally, as if he sensed it, Jimin lifts up his head to look at me and I guess it’s sadness what I see in his eyes, I guess that’s why he’s lips are trembling as they keep trying to sketch a small smile.

Then I guess I’m trying to smile too, but it doesn’t feel right so I let it fall on my face, and the phone is so heavy in the pocket.

“You’re unhappy.” he says like it’s a fact, the entire conclusion.

It sounds real in my ears, not like a question or affirmation. Because I can feel it there, in the back of my mind, the whole time, every time I kissed him, touched him, thought about him. Sadness.

“Why does it feel like this?” I ask, but I don’t suppose I ask him.

Do I ask me, you, nobody? Why should it matter, when I should have everything in my hands and I only have the ground crumbling into some dust?

“I’ve wanted this too much and now…it’s almost like I’m scared of everything that comes with it.” I say and I wait for the words to fall back into place and make sense.

“I’m scared too…it’s 4 years, JungKook! 4 years that will change us and I’m scared that I won’t be the same. That you won’t be the same.” Jimin says too loud. “That I won’t be able to love you the same.”

It hurts, it cuts through me, what he thinks.

“You know I’ll never…”

“Yeah, learn English?” he laughs. “I know.”

I suddenly feel cold, because it’s cold, what we’re saying. There’s no drop of sweetness in these words.

“It’s cold.” he says, and I’m not sure if he’s trying to act strong or he’s maybe just cold or what.

He leans me and kisses me on the lips, and even his mouth is cold, everything feels cold and I’m caught in the middle.

“We don’t have to take any decision right now. There’s a month…I have you right now and-“ he puts my hand on his chest, right above his heart and I can feel it beating and it feels scripted, everything, but I don’t say a word, just lean in one more time to kiss his cold lips, to try to make myself cold too-“it’s fine, right?”

“Always.” I try to laugh, but I feel like crying or maybe laughing.

Sometimes they feel so similar.

“Always. A month, right? Then we can decide, right?”

“Right.” I say and this time I finally walk inside the house and close the door behind me.

The day felt too long and I’m so tired that I just crush onto the couch, with the blanket still on me. It’s cold.

I actually don’t know how to end this chapter. Like this? What is this supposed to be? Am I supposed to feel alright, because this is what I’m supposed to do, to not ask for more or want more right now?

Because maybe I’m not as decent as I thought I am, because I’m selfish and I want everything to myself?

This night is cold. A branch hits the window and I flinch in my sleep. But the night is cold and the blanket suddenly isn’t enough. Love doesn’t seem enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so, I have no idea how this will end. The only thing I know for sure is that this was the second to last chapter.   
> I want to say that I wanted to make this chapter very happy, unicorns and donuts and shit, but I simply couldn't because it just didn't resonated with what I had in mind. I suppose to me it would have felt unnatural and forced to turn it that way and make them so happy, rainbows and fairytales. Because they all did mistakes, they are unsure, so suddenly just having them agree on everything and stuff...yeah  
> As for the whole jikook, jungkook x chanyeol thing, I honestly just dropped the idea of jungkook x chanyeol (honestly, from the beginning I've been unsure of how adding chanyeol would be regarded. Especially as a romantic interest for jungkook)  
> For me at least, I only see them (jungkook, jimin, chanyeol) as characters. I know they are people who we like and whatever but when I write, to me, they are not those real people. They are different, because I want to write their personalities from scratch. I don't care about the way they look, that's just a bonus to better visualize them, but when I write, they stopped being the hardworking, golden maknae jungkook or sweet and caring jimin, I don't to try to replicate their public personas.   
> I'm not sure if the above comment was necessary, but the thing is, I'll try my best to give them the best possible ending. To all of them. Not necessarily perfect, but good.   
> Also, I want to apologize to everybody that I've annoyed/upset because this strayed away from its premise or from the jikook central relationship.  
> Yeah, end of long, boring and probably useless rant.   
> Peace.   
> I L❤VE COMMENTS ❤❤


End file.
